Vacation package: All-inclusive; visiting African animals, cavorting with lions, drinking champagne from morning til night while secretly redezvousing wearing Victoria's Secret luxurious, silky body lotion slathered all over your lucious partner's surprised toes and slowly reaching beyond the pale, higher than a kite, softer than a baby's bottom rubbed vigorously with sandpaper (soft 40 grain).

Meanwhile, back at the LCT Board, Ngaire blushes but, with a twinkle in her eye, she is thinking of rack of lamb, a Cosmo, Ken in a leopard print thong that matches Tom's pajamas. Karen secretly stalks them while "Sheik" is playing with his harem, Trivia, while Marc books cruises through 2010. Meanwhile, Suzanne is searching for a pole to dance with, but Paige has taken them all and her GrandMother shakes her cane!!

The group discovers that Todd is making Cosmos 4 drinks per customer allowed! WRONG, Todd has run out of Grey Goose! He yells "Is there a COSTCO nearby?" "I just made my first visit to Costco yesterday in Atlanta and it was as wonderful as everyone here told me it would be," said Beth. Kathy chimes in that she has stashed two extra bottles of pink-scented massage oil stashed right under her bed for use as required.
But Sheik, I thought we requested Sambucca under our bed? "None for you little girl," he replied, as he groped under the sheet and found everything was missing except a lamb wearing a thong and drinking Grey Goose. Marcie yells " I think I'll adopt the lamb,and name him Rackof"

..which jolts Ngaire from a sound sleep and sends her in search of a Chef named Tobias Schreiber from the Mariner. He is writing a book called "MINT... is it an accompaniment for lamb or a group of crazy cruisers?" He scratches his head as he goes looking for the blackmail pictures. and contemplates what will be on the plate..and the sexy dish he saw in the Cordon Bleu class making her special rack of Lamb a la Sambuca, and shouts "WHAT A KEENE IDEA!"
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Karen, with three suitcases of shoes, along with Ngaire, who has no shoes to match; therefore, she's barefoot. "Here I am to save the day!" shouts the ever resourceful Karen while Ngaire is looking for a vat of grapes to stomp on and make into wine, but, the free-spirited Ngaire prefers to be bare, and, throwing caution to the wind she bares her soul to a reporter from the National Enquirer. LCT members must now go into hiding.

So they all book the next cruise to Gilligan's Island because Joanna has secrectly always wanted to dye her hair red and call herself "Ginger". Suzanne is hoping to entice Thurston away from Lovey by pole dancing and privately offering him Todd's cosmos. Suzanne and Thurston, full of Todd's cosmos, and tired of discussing Thurston's many homes, Harvard education, decide to really unwind by reading The New York Times #1 Best Seller, kiss-and-tell novel, "Conga Cruise Line Confidential." It will be subtitled "Can you reach 1000 LCT posts??
Lawrence, who is certain he is the quintessential Professor, studies the book carefully; on page 348, his eyes widen in surprise as he exclaims "What's this? I only have 745 posts? This is madness! And, someone has stolen my 'Conga Cruise Line Confidential' manuscript and penned it as their own!"

"Where is sweet Mary Anne? Ginger is hitting on me but I am a Mary Anne guy" said Lawrence unless Ginger went to the Library in search of"the Kinsey Report?" Ginger wails, "It's been made into a movie and I'm not in it" Lawrence laments... "Ginger darling the Kinsey Report is much to XXX rated for your precious phony ears listen to ..."

"What's wrong dear?" asked Ginger. "I'm not sure ... I've lost my train of thought and plus my grammatical structure was breaking down," said Lawrence. "But I have a swell idea! Let's form a Conga Line while we all book a cruise on the Paul Gauguin!! Everyone scurries to call their favorite travel agent(s), and Masaki says " We'll dance our way to Tahiti." The LCT group gently reminds Masaki he has a pregnant wife at home and suggests he concentrate on knitting a pair of booties, and Tony tells Joanna, "We will go, as long as you understand, I must spend time with Rowenta" Joanna replies, "Well pehaps our cruise will be free if you give Rowenta lessons to all the men aboard. Mark Conroy suggested a gift of an all-open bar cruise for Tony instead. Richard not to get out 'pressed" in the newest addition to the ship the laundry room bar, orders a sidecar and asks for the bartender to "throw in" a 1959 Mercedes convertible on the side. Tony throws in his pants, neatly pressed, then ChatKat orders a sweet old-fashion and asks Tony's opinion on ironing her short, black, frilly Frederick's of Hollywood leather bathrobe, and Denise said,"My best advice to you is do not let Frank find you alone with Tony in the bar/laundry room!" Just then the door flew open and Frank yelled, "they've stolen Tony's Rowenta out of the Laundry Bar.

"Kathy, I adore you for saving the Rowenta. I wondered where you were, but why is Tony wearing your short, black frilly leather bathrobe?" Frank said.
ALAS!! There is also an iron burn mark...HMMMM...Frank turns back to Kathy raising an eyebrow, "Yes, Frank that is the truth!" The door opened and in came Tom who had planned to iron Marcie's safari jammies with the jungle print she bought especially for ROAR to match Toms' zebra thong.

Tom threw both hands up in the air and yelped "Don't hurt me!". But it was too late, Marcie (hiding behind the door) snapped his thong leaving a suppository (Tom's doctor, Masaki, had given him for migranes) on the ironing board close to Tony's beloved Rowenta which caused Tony to scream I AM THE VOICE OF SANITY AND I SAY ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE! A hush settled over the Rowenta and Tom and Tony began the Holy Rosary (for Catholics only and it is boring I am one of them) and the Rabbi, Phil Horowitz,walked into the laundry/bar room and said "This reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from the film "The Excorcist" except with cocktails. And speaking of cocktails", let all go get ready for dinner. The Wine is quite special tonight and we will take one", said Joanna, as "Oy Gevalt" and "enough already" are two phrases so close to my heart - as she teared up Denise ran in the room and said
"Stop it already...you are killing us!"

But then, there was a silence as the room began to chant "Betty, Betty"...after such an evening they couldn't wait to see her.

"Hurry there is dancing in the Stars Lounge, we must CONGA!" When we saw Kathy's photo of us Conga'ing and we laughed so hard we pee'd in our pants! As always, Ray was quick to quote.. "Oh Gosh, we're in the picture, and if Colonel Wes sees it he'll know we aren't in proper military dress because we forgot our service metals, but it really doesn't matter because we are wearing LCT dress blues! Denise murmured .. if I had known LCT dress blues consisted of