Well, I'll share my story of my move to Europe last year...
Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem.
If I never hear this phrase again, it will be fine with me. I haven't moved for 18 years and, after this experience…..
It began uneventfully. I arrived at the house a little before the set time of 8am and the truck was already there. However, in good Swiss timeliness, the bell rang at exactly 8am.
All began comfortably as the articles began to arrive. Dave the Dish arrived on time to install the satellite dish and reported the signal was strong. Since there was no TV yet, he walked me through how to use the box and we discussed that he would return, hopefully, at the end of next week, when my SIM card arrived. He explained, until that time, I would only have news (CNN, SKY, BBC, ITV), 2 old movie channels and the travel channel plus lots of shopping clubs. Disappointed, and $1400 CHF poor, I settled back to direct the location of boxes.
Then, the only gentleman who spoke English, out of the 5 there, said, for the first time, in a little nasally voice, Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem. He then pointed to my $6600 rug that was soaking wet and mildewed and told me the container had been wet. I said, call your office. We're insured. Then, the folks from Bernard TV showed up early, about 10am with my new flat TV and VCR. They were absolutely terrific, coming with all the necessary cables and extension cords and then spent about 45 minutes explaining each and every detail of how to use the equipment. I was delighted with their service and highly recommend them to anyone purchasing equipment within Basel. They even hooked up my phone for me, so I had a working phone. I was smiling from ear to ear when Herr Nasal Voice (HNV) tapped me on the shoulder and said, Meesees Vat-air-hoos, you vill no longer be smiling. Ve have a BEEEG problem. Youre couch won't fit up the stairs. Now, I had asked the relo folks to ensure that there were no issues with size of household goods and they had said that there was no problem. I then suggested trying the window. HNV went off and reported that this would work and he would need a crane. Five minutes later he tapped me on the shoulder and said, Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem. One crane is broken and the other crane is in Bern. It won't be available until 2pm. I said fine. What was it with the big problems, they were all solvable? I started to unpack the boxes and HNV said, Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem. I was ready to lunge across the room and cut off his air, but controlled myself and braced myself for the next onslaught. The mattress would not fit. I suggested taking it in through the outside deck. . HNV went off and reported that this would work. The mattress appeared no worse for wear and I breathed a sigh of relief and then I heard the infamous words…. Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem. The box spring won't fit. What is it with this guy who couldn't work anything out. Everything was a big problem. Where were the solutions? So, I went up to check. Darn, this time he was right. It was 1 1/2 inches too large for the door. Shouldn't relo folks be able to tell one that a queen size box spring won't fit? Shouldn't they check? He then suggested cutting the box spring in two for $1500CHF. I said no way. He then announced they were going to lunch and I said "what about the boxspring? It's pouring out here and the boxspring is only covered in cardboard." Then, he said, "Oh, it was already badly damaged in the container flood." This meant that I had to sleep on a mattress on the floor.
No sooner had he returned from lunch, one hour later, than I heard the infamous words.. …. Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem. Something is Veery bad broken. Yes, mirrored pieces from my sofa table were everywhere. And, before I could recover, he again said …. Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem. Something else is Veery bad broken. This time it was my glass pieces from my coffee table. And a few minutes later, the infamous.. …. Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem was again uttered as he pointed to my shattered end table. What else could go wrong? Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem. It turned out that the crane was stuck in Bern and the couch would not be able to be put in my apartment until a later date.
I was exhausted and ready to strangle the folks who packed my stuff, when I again heard the irritating phrase …. Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem. This time my television stand was damaged beyond repair. At least I had finished emptying all the kitchen and bathroom boxes. As I opened up my computer case and palm pilot case, I noticed they were both empty. And where were my ski boots? And my expensive salt and pepper shaker and my candlesticks? As I was ready to discuss this with HNV, his folks began to unpack my clothes and one of the fellows let out a gasp. All my clothes had been crumpled and thrown into the boxes and were a disaster. They didn't use wardrobe or air shipment boxes. Mr. Nasal Voice called home office and reported the disastrous turn of events and left to get me wardrobe boxes for my poor clothes. He then returned and took pictures of all the damage. His men were really quite sweet and put all my clothes away for me. I realized that he, too, was trying to do his best, except for those legendary words…. Meesees Vat-air-hoos, ve have a BEEEG problem.
My phone immediately started ringing with apologies and promises to correct the issues. The main one was the boxspring. The Swiss don't use box springs. Their beds are a completely different system -- a thin mattress on top of wooden slats -- and the sizes of their bed systems were totally different from ours. I then called the US to see what a replacement would cost and decided to ask if there were split queen boxsprings. I received the good news that the boxspring was $440 and was available in a split boxspring. Then, the bad news….it would take 15 days for the store to get the boxspring and then it still needed to be shipped and the store did not ship oversees. I put my operations brain to work and called Simmons and found out that France actually sells their products and I called the number hopefully. HA! After 2 days, I received a call from the moving company in Amsterdam (from a guy from New York), who informed me that the insurance company agreed to pay for the mattress, but they were reserving approval of the shipping until they heard the cost. The total cost was $568 but it would be 4 weeks until I could get the boxspring. I emailed the costs to the moving company and about one hour later received full approval of the costs. OK, I'll have a boxspring in about a month. And now I have an investigator assigned who will look into the situation for the restitution of all the missing damaged things.
Friday, I ran from work and met the movers who screaming and leaning out my 4th floor living room window successfully hoisted my couch inside. And then, I got a call from the moving company in Basel. They found an empty computer case and my Palm Pilot and my ski boots. In the trash. Lovely. An hour later, I got a call from security at work to report down to them. Someone had dropped off my ski boots and palm pilot. I was so looking forward to lugging the boots on the tram home! Wouldn't you think the moving company would have delivered them to my home? They were probably afraid to face me.
